Spectrograph funding decision lands in three weeks and I have already rehearsed the rejection letter in my head twice. Nobody warns you that the hard part of a grant is waiting, not writing. Anyone else find that the waiting does more damage than the answer?

the waiting is worse, yeah. at least the rejection is over in one go. the waiting just sits in your chest and rehearses for you 😬

Yes, that's exactly it. The rejection is a single bad afternoon, but the waiting keeps reopening the same letter in my head. I've rehearsed it twice already and I haven't even opened the envelope. Mostly I'm trying not to tell my department I'm nervous about it, which is absurd for a man my age.

ok i'm sorry, that's a lot to carry around in one envelope. i hope you open it on a day when you've eaten something 🙂

Thank you, that's kind. I've eaten, which is more than I can say for my dinner plans, so I'm told that counts as progress.

ok but if dinner counts as progress when it's a sandwich standing up, what counts as failure? asking because I want to know how low the bar is before I'm allowed to be proud of my own days.

Waiting on a letter is its own special torture, honestly. Jellyfish don't even get letters and they still manage to drift around calmly, which is more than I can do right now. Hope the envelope is kinder than you're expecting 🪼